Thursday, 11 October 2012

No Church

'Tis not to church I'll go when life leaves me
I've asked her that, and agree did she
Lay me out in my music room
Where my friends
And those who wonder
To see the man
Who sang for many
A man who loved to sing
For any
Dared to sing
And dared to love
Loved to share
And shared to love
Not a night in church I'll tarry
Though be it there I did doth marry
Leave me not alone
With priest
I've spent my time with such,
A beast
Take me from my home my dear
To the hole,
Without fear.


  1. Very succinct little ditty you have penned here sir. Quite intelligent for such an ungodly hour of the day.

    Sadly, there will be no hole for your good self. I have decided to buy your worthless hide and have the body stuffed and mounted in my hallway to hang my hat and coat on.

    I have a gent calling on you later today to take a few dims down on paper. Worry yourself not, he just wants to see how big the battery pack will be so that we can get you motorised for when we move your hand you sing ballads for my guests.

    I might ask him to make you taller while he is at it.

  2. Yeah sensible not to be left alone with a priest. :D

  3. I wonder if the Chef will take you on a whirlwind tour?
    Chef - pop a viagra in the man so you have somewhere to keep your umbrella as well.
    Long live the Mapstew!

  4. Chef; Funny, but I quite like the idea of being imortalised! :¬)

  5. Pat; I'm going nowhere soon! :¬)


  6. Sausage; I'm not one to boast but, no blue pills needed, alive OR dead! :¬)

  7. I like the sentiment. Kindly do not put the plan into work any time soon. ;)

  8. I'm having you coated in chocolate to give Siobhans wee goat a treat.

  9. hope; Have no fear my friend, I've many a song to sing yet! :¬)


  10. Chef; It isn't every day that a man offers to cover me in chocolate... :¬)

  11. Aw guys, come on! Chocolate, especially dark chocolate, is as sacred to me as Jameson is to you! It is not for
    preserving your friends.

    Preserving your friendships perhaps... ;)

  12. hope; The man doth protest too much? He loves me, I know, it's sweet! :¬)


  13. Madame D once told me that you and Jimbo the chef are the same person. So are you really a caberet singer or a cook?

  14. Now, THAT'S the kind of worship I can respect. Over the years my feeling for la church have gone from casual indifference to an almost outright hostility. If Chef covers you with chocolate, can I watch?

    @ Anon: Interesting conspiracy theory.

  15. Anon; Seriously, you think I'm going to give a decent reply to an anon?

    UB; Conspiracy me arse!

  16. Ahh now, if it had been man-love that was on my mind I would have suggested chocolate fondant with extra nuts. The rumours are that you already have a walnut whip about you, so further humiliation is no required.

    I too was visited by anon. Insecurity is a terrible thing, but also a terribly funny thing, depending on how you approach it.

    See you in the bar at 6, Chef Map.

  17. Chef; I remember the first girlfriend to ever see my 'Walnut Whip' saying ''Who the feck is that gonna satisfy?'' To which I replied ''Me!''

    As for 'Anon', maybe they were attracted by all the talk of (Belgian) chocolate?

  18. "Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

    Do you think Mrs. Gump came to this conclusion after she gave birth to anon?