heartbroken

I fucking miss my sister. My heart is forever broken

Happy Hogmanay

I think you'se owe me a Jameson my taller brother. Love you our kid

Nollaig Shona

It's midday on Christmas eve and I'm just home from a funeral. My sister-in-law's mom was buried today. They are from a village about 20 miles from the city, a real homely funeral, and the sun was shining down on us all.

I don't like Christmas, it brings on the melancholy and I can be doing without that, thank you very much. But, we have the yank staying this year and it's all 'y'all this and y'all that' and Texas country music blaring about the house. (I think of you Sav every time I hear 'y'all'!);-)
If I may quote the lovely Dolly Parton, 'I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you dream of, and I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love.'
Life is short my friends, as you all surely know, so love each day, each minute, each second, and tell those folk how much you love them, smile at passing strangers and hug anyone who is willing. Sing, even if you think you can't, because it will bring you endless joy, it will lift your heart, and it will always make at least one other person smile.
To my dear, dear friend Jimmy, you will never know how fortunate and blessed I am that you came into my life exactly when I needed you. I don't believe in God, but something sent you to me. I know you don't like hearing this 'pish talk', but I love you dearly you big yin, I wish you and Siobhan and your merry clan health and happiness. You are my brother and saviour.
I'll be off now to visit the Ma, and I'll share a drink of something special in 'yalls' honour with her.
Nollaig Shona mo chara go léir.

miss me pal

Is it wrong that one should  be inspired by alcohol and late nights? Songs run through the heid, thoughts abound. Old friends keep my mind alive. I hope my thoughts  are with them. I miss you Jimmy, but you know  that.

Start Wreck

So, there I was in an episode of S.T.N.G., albeit wearing the wrong colour uniform, the one that says 'this is your one and only episode our kid.'
Anyway, didn't I get chattin' with Jean-Luc himself after the filming and I up and telling him my real full name and he was so taken with it (what with HIS real name being half of my real name and everything) that he insisted, he insisted no less, that we go on the pish for the night and shouldn't we take the McKellen fella with us too him being a gas man for a laugh.
That's all I remember...feckin' alarm clock!

friends

Just home from performing at a club as my duo outfit TAT2. We play quite an eclectic mix, depending on the audience. I like to surprise people by going from say,a ska song into something quite traditional. It gets their attention.
People often ask what I prefer to sing, what my favourite genre is, but to be honest I just love to sing. Tonight I went from pop to country to rock n roll to a blues song I made up on the spot. I love singing, entertaining, seeing folk having a good time. I love to entertain.
I had a guest to the mic tonight, Patrick, celebrating his 86th birthday. He sang two songs and was the highlight of the night. I hope I am still as lively at his age.
Have a grand weekend my friends, I love you all near and far, those of you I meet daily and you friends I have yet to meet. I raise a glass tonight to one and all, but especially to my big brother JB. Slainte a chara agus oiche mhaith.

My Boyfriend

My Ma calls my pal, my drinking buddy, the big 16 stone hairy plumber, 'your boyfriend'!

do re me

I've been singing quite a lot these past few weeks. And getting payed for it.. which is good. It keeps me sane, and pays the bills.
But mostly it keeps me sane.
Mostly.
Goodnight kids, see them folks you love, tell them you love them, hug them, put yer arms around them and hold them tight.
Hold them tight.

:-)

call me

Ma and the paedophile are still friends. He calls her on the phone everyday. Sometimes I am in the room when he calls and I have to excuse myself. She tells me he gives a lot of money to various charities.... blah, blah, blah...

I think she knows now that he was up to 'something' back then, but says that everyone thought he was just being affectionate and loving 'cos he had no kids of his own. He was being more than that to one of her kids. My brother has never admitted this to me but he has told my wife.

Tonight Ma was in one of her moods and told me I never phone her (I don't because I prefer to visit, which I do every other day.) It makes my blood boil when she tells me 'he' calls her everyday and her own son can't do the same. My brother, for his own reasons, doesn't want her to know what happened, and I have to respect that. But I come so close sometimes, times like tonight.

Weekend At Uncle M's

I've been looking after a couple of nephews, aged 5 & 7, and their 12yr old sister for a couple of days. I had forgotten how much energy kids have and how much energy one needs to keep up with them. They were great fun though and I fed them pizza and ice-cream and made them promise not to tell their mammy. Their mammy would certainly not approve. I guess this is all training for being a granda?  ;-)

Like The Corners Of My Mind...

No memories tonight.
My second of two gigs in a row in a marquee, this one on the shores of lough Derg. Fab night, great fun with the punters, even better fun with the staff!!

Singing is such a good distraction today. As is 12yr old Jameson. Night all, I hope I sleep the sleep of babies.  :-)

Gathering

One of my fondest memories is of me cycling to the village of Patrickswell on a Saturday morning with Mr Roche ( we always called our elders by their title), to pick mushrooms. That was so exciting for a kid of seven, a kid from the island. We left at dawn and cycled through the city to a village on the far side. No mean feat for a kid and an old man. I was so proud to present my Da with my big bag of mushrooms. Even prouder when he cooked them in milk and pepper and butter for his breakfast. His favourite breakfast.

I Know What You Did.

I spent the first twenty years of my life living next door to a paedophile. I didn't know what he was doing, I didn't know the word 'paedophile', but I knew something was strange, even as a kid. Why didn't the adults notice? He never did anything to me, maybe he tried and got nowhere, but he never liked me. I remember being very young when he told me that he was my real Da and he gave me away to the neighbours because he didn't love me.

He is still alive, and awaiting his imminent court date.

More To Come.

Turns out it wasn't the idyllic childhood I often tried to convince meself it was. Memories, they have a terrible habit of coming from behind and biting ya in the arse, just like the 'hoppers' that lived in me mattress.

(That's the opening line.)

back for a bit

The minister for education requests my company for the presentation of an award to my baby on the excellence of her achievements in the state exams. I should probably turn up yeah?

Family

Family is everything.

Everything!

I am loved so much.

I am not worthy.

I AM

My heart is bigger than my heid.
I want to be here.
I want to be alive.
I want to love.
I want to be Loved.
I am here.
I am alive.
I love.
I am loved.
I am.

Funerals, Weddings, Christenings.

Early Thursday mornin', it's been a long week. It's been a long couple of months to be honest.
My drummer, my oldest pal Jim, lost his dad Paddy quite suddenly after a short illness. Paddy was a relation of mine and such a lovely man. He had been looking after his ill wife for the past 15 years or so, and she had to see him go before her. Then last week she passed away herself. It's been quite a tough time for the family.

On the bright side, my boy Rob got married this weekend, one of the best weekends ever. You all know he's not my real son, but I have always treated him as so and love him so much. When my Da died I inherited his very old wristwatch. It gave me great pleasure to pass it on to Rob, quite an emotional moment for both of us. I have loved this boy from the day he was born, and though he is 30 now, he is still my baby. To pass on his Granda's watch to him meant so much to me. Unfortunately Rob & Emily will be returning to Melbourne in a couple of weeks, though hopefully they will return to Ireland to settle down. If not I can see myself making a long journey many times in my retirement.

Next Saturday... the christening of my grand-niece Sofia. (I will be, again, providing the entertainment.)

Queen In Da House

So, Hangar Queen is in the house. And Maurcheen and Bock and Hangar went to pubs tonight. With the non-drinking Annette. Poor Annette. Out on the razzle with three blogger/professional drinker type fuckers! She did manage to get us all home to bed. Hangar (Dev) is staying in the music wing. As one does.
Bock is such a fun storyteller.

Brides

Dawn is breaking as I turn the key in my door. Home from a fantastic wedding in Cork. The bride was possibly one of the nicest and happiest I have met, and I have met thousands. I do like my job.

It's our wedding anniversary today. 24 years married. I would be in the gutter without Annette, I am sure of it. She is my driving force, my bright outlook and my source of energy. My love.

Was It Jack Nicholson Who Said 'I'm Irish, Of Course I Think About Death All The Time'

I've been thinking (YES, it hurts!), if the day ever comes and the docs tell me it's only a matter of time, I would like to have a farewell party while I'm still capable of having a blast.
I think I would like it to be the kind of party that a person moving to another part of the world would have before they emigrate. The kind of party with lots of music and laughter and drink and dancing and singing and hugging. And probably tears, but not too many, time enough for that.
You are all invited.
Date: Far In The Future.
Time: Do You Have To Ask???  :-)

To the edge....

If you look at a map of Ireland there's a pointy bit right at the very top called Malin Head. It's the point in our country farthest away from where I live. That's where meself and Mrs. M are heading the morrow. Sometimes ya just gotta get in the car and drive. And the weather promises to behave. No singing for a week or so (well not the 'worky' type anyway) so I hope to get lots of swimming, dining, drinking and loving into the next week. I've packed the larder and fridges with supplies so the girls won't starve. If anyone is passing (JIMMY!) keep an eye oot for strange lads. I shall see youse all at the weekend. Cheery bye the noo.  :)

Da's Day

I had a dream last week in which I was climbing the stairs to visit Ma in her room. As I got to the second step I looked up and Da was waiting on the landing. Smiling. But the closer I got the more he faded, even though I called out for him to wait. He had a lovely smile did Da. A lovely gentle smile.

Happy Fathers day to all you Da's.

gone fishin'

;-)

Black Is The Colour

I go to the Clyde
And I mourn and weep
And satisfied I never can be
And I write her a letter
Just a few short lines
And suffer death
A thousand times.

call me paddy

My oldest, and best friend's da passed away today. He has one brother, but I always considered myself part of the family, so three grown men were holding each other up, and together today in that hospital room. Three grown men crying over the passing of a man we all loved. It'll be a long weekend of grieving and waking and tears and stories and laughter and singing. Back soon.

Fun

I had forgotten how much fun it is to record in a proper studio instead of on the little machine in my den. One of the local football teams are in the final of a national club league (a big thing!) and asked us to record their club song, a reworking of 500 miles by The Proclaimers. The track is currently being mastered by a guy who has previously worked with Bowie, Take That & The Script! There's posh for ya!
It has given us the Bug! Time to get the writing pad out of storage.

(I'll post the finished track when we get a copy.)

I'm listening.

Talk to me people.

Alone Again (Naturally)

I went to my pub of choice last night, alone, to watch the football. Great game. I hardly spoke two words to anyone save the most excellent of barmen, Jimmy. There was a time when I could not do this, spend time on my own in a bar, but I have learned to be quite happy in my own company. Much as I love all my girls, there is a lot to be said for timeout alone. It's my treat to myself, a time when I can, and do, forget the rest of the world for a few hours. It's much cheaper than therapy, and more fun.

I had the most wonderful (whiskey induced) dream. As I was walking home from my pub of choice I called into another pub I rarely frequent. A quiet, old-time bar. My Da was sitting at a table with one of his pals. He was dressed in his 'going out' clothes, grey trousers, white shirt with cravat, and navy blazer. I sat down and his pal left us alone together. We talked for hours, in between drinks. I told him all about my girls, about me, everything, and he listened and smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. A wonderful night. Twenty eight years gone and I still miss him as much today as I did all those years ago. I like to think I connected with his spirit last night, or was it just the Jameson? Whichever, I woke up smiling.

true colours

My taller, younger, Glaswegian brother once told me ' the people who love you love you for being you.' I remember that the moment I awake each day, and the older I get the more me I become. Thank you brother.

life

Ma hates me right now, but I'll get over it.
My best friend is having the worst time of his life. But he's been there before and I've been there for him. He'll get over it.
Sometimes I think we get out of situations we have no control over better than the ones we do, just for that very reason.
Ma will love me again tomorrow,  my pal will cope and get on with his life, the world will turn, turn, turn.
Herself's car died, I always hated French cars.

Techno Techno Techno Techno

Damn you smartphone, I really must turn on my PC one of these days! Tomorrow, yes, my life to date. I promise. And Chef will be back soon, his arse is just TOO brown for my liking.  :)

Giants

How technology moves on... One can write and publish a post from the phone, on the toilet (I'm not!) if one likes.

Went to my pub of choice with my second biggest pal (Paul, the plumber) tonight. I haven't laughed so much in yonks! We're as bad as each other. I'm happy to have friends with taste as bad as mine. They mostly seem to be big, tall, and of celtic origin. Go figure!
I like my friends, and my life, right now. Thank you'se all for being here, just when and where I want you. Especially you big guys with yer shoulders, the 'leaning on' kind. :-)

more

I don't do it often, but sometimes I step outside my comfort zone, just to challenge myself. I go places on my own, without the backup of friends, without that parachute, and I come home safe, and that little bit more free. That little bit more excited. That little bit more.

Me & My Pal

Murder

Two members of my family have been convicted of murder. One of them is a pure scumbag. The other ( my nephew) was a stupid cunt who mixed drugs with loyalties to scumbags and destroyed many lives, including his own.
My late sister must be spinning in her grave.
And that's only the half of it.
I wonder why I don't sleep.
I'm glad my sister is dead.

River

I live with four women.
Tears are inevitable.
Sometimes they cry too.

I'm Alive.

I sang a song tonight for Big Shelly. I don't know Big Shelly, but my dear friend sav does, and she tells me that Big Shelly needs our love and stuff now and as I am not the religious or prayer saying type I did what I do and what I do is sing so I sang. So I says to the crowd just before I dedicated this particular song to Big Shelly, savs dear friend (sav being MY dear friend) so I says, this particular song is for Big Shelly. How was I to know that a rather large lady by the name of Michelle (nickname Shelly) was in the crowd??

My heid is all over the place lately, sorry for not being around or blogging as much as usual.

My oldest friend Jim passed the 50 mark in the recent past. Life has not been good to him of late so he would not let me throw a party. I did persuade him to have a lads night out though, and we did have a good time. Boys can have fun, and we did.

My bigger but younger Glaswegian brother is still lazing aboot in the sun. It's nice that he sends photies from his Alcudian nest, but I do not really need to see his full tan. Lets just say there are no tan lines.  (Heave!!)

Ma had a bit of a turn last week but seems to be back to her good old self again, she really does amaze me. I truly hope I  have her genes.

It's very hard being the father of three daughters.

I think I am going to paint the whole house white. (I just watched John & Yoko!) But that means I can add so many accents of colour. (HAHAHA, I AM fecking colour blind!!)

My wife says I changed the day my sister died five years ago.

I've just finished reading a book, 'The 100 Year Old Man' (A translation from Swedish). I really enjoyed it, but am thankful I left reading the reviews 'til after I read it.

Robert & Emily's wedding is only five months away and I really need to take going to the gym seriously if I am going to look good in a kilt!

I really need to sleep now so I am not even going to get into how I chased a bus all over the city last night to make one of my daughters happy!

Tomorrow ya?  :)

Charlie

Two years now gentle soul.

Sofia Emily

new stew

There is a new one of us. Her name is Sofia Emily. My new grand niece. Photies the morrow.

Blues & All That Jazz

'PINT?' Text message from my pal.
Unusual for a Thursday night.
'Mon then!'
Met him at the corner and started walking to the local.
The form was bad, he gets 'down' at times.
We get to the pub and he doesn't want to go in.
'Wanna go somewhere else for a change, into town?'
'Why not?'
We call a cab and go to a pub I frequented as a youngfella, an old place, full of character and characters. But that was back then, full of students now.
My pal doesn't do 'let's talk about my problems', he takes me drinking to cheer him up. Somehow we always end up laughing by the second drink. Go figure.
The students got too much for us so we left and went to a pub on the opposite side of the street. It was quiet, and the beer was good.
And then we hear a piano. We turn around and see a three piece band just starting. Jazz & swing. We've stumbled into one of the best kept secrets in the city.
We were both still singing on the cab ride home.
We were both in good form today.

Someday......

A belated Birthday pressie for my good friend sav. Hope you like it missus.


The Way You Look Tonight.     < CLICK TO PLAY.

Tomorrow.,..Tomorrow....,

A new song tomorrow, and a change of style. A man has been too lazy and needs a swift kick up the arse with a size 15 worky boot. Thanks our Jimmy. I be crooning on the morrow my friends, a late birthday pressie for missus sav.

Tonight was my first night singing this new year, an 80th birthday celebration. Good fun. But I am tired now. I need a good sleep Mr. Sandman, look after me ok? And may I wake with energy and joy, and happiness in my (weary) heart. May I have, on awaking, a tiny piece of the strength that eminates from my big brother Jimmy B. My Hero.

Tomorrow.  :-)

Songs Sales & Storms

I've often tried to work out exactly how many songs I sing at a wedding or other such function. We normally do a three hour set, but if the crowd is good it can be a task to stop us. I reckon we do 60/70 on average, but I know I have done over 100 at some good ones. There was a time, long ago, when a little singing fella could keep it going all night (and sing as well!). It's been a busy Christmas, folk still love a good wedding! I've been staving off that feckin' head cold with pill and potion galore to keep me in respectable singing voice, and it worked. But now 'tis comin' to claim me. I don't mind, and I'm not complaining, there are far more people worse off than I. I'm enjoying the fruits of a single pot still made into a 'medicine' with a few cloves, lemon, a little hot water and demerara sugar. I'm enjoying many if truth be told, and the fugginess is delicious.

I took the youngest and her cousin, along with Mrs. M., on a shopping expedition to Dublin yesterday. (Two hour drive each way.) Shopping is not my favourite thing. (Can you guess what is? NO Jimmy, that's just a pastime!) Having been out gigging 'til the wee hours the previous three nights did not help my demeanour. But my girls had a ball. I carried bags, stood outside shops, smiled , oohed & aahed in all the right places and got everybody home in one piece. Them January sales can be a bastid!

There's a storm blowing in from the Atlantic again tonight. I still haven't repaired the fences from last weeks storm. The gazebo took flight into our next door neighbours garden, thankfully not causing any damage on it's trip. No sign of any sheep!

One of the daughters gave me a new (much needed) wallet as a christmas pressie. It is a fine wallet, and much appreciated. Why am I finding it hard to part with my old worn bedraggled wallet which has moulded itself into the shape which fits so comfortably against my upper right thigh?

I wish you all health, safe shores and happiness in the coming year.