Tuesday, 12 January 2010


(pic; Diane Arbus) (I am not in this pic.)

My cousin passed away at the weekend.
She was buried yesterday.
I didn't go to the funeral.
My excuse? I am not feeling that well.
I have a bad cold!
My head hurts!
My bones hurt!
My whole body aches!
I stayed in bed all day, in and out of sleep.
In and out of dreams.
The most vivid one;
'My step-aunt, (My deceased cousin's mother), kept prodding me with pointy witch fingers!'
Most probably.
My cousin had been in full time care most of her life.
The majority of it in a wheelchair.
She was both physically and mentally challenged.
I remember her most fondly as a big happy girl who was easily amused.
But that was when I was a kid myself, who was also easy to keep amused!
Her mother (with whom I have issues!) let her husband (he passed last year), look after this misfortune for most of her life. And a good part of his!
She died suddenly of a massive heart attack.
At the age of 54.
It was quick.
We're told she didn't suffer.
I am glad for that.

I am also glad I am ill.
It is my excuse.
I'm sick of funerals.
I have had quite enough for the time being, thank you.
Bring on the fucking happy times!
Give me more weddings!
And christenings even!

I will mourn Tricia in my own way.
In my own time.

I remember her smiling,
She is 11 years old,
Throwing a ball to and fro'
With me.
To and fro' In our garden.
Both of us.


  1. Funerals are weird.

    We have to grieve with people we may not even like, for someone who really doesn't care whether we are there or not.

    It seems to be one of those things that is just expected.
    I really hate funerals.

  2. I'm sorry to hear this, you are right to mourn her and remember her in your own way. I understand about being sick of funerals, I've had my share over the past year.

  3. Yes bring on some sunshine and christenings. Or a month in Teneriffe.

  4. thingy; Hello, and welcome.

    Normally I'm ok about funerals, I see them as part of life (and death!) at my age. But there have been just too many to cope with recently! So I'm giving them a miss for a while! :¬)

    St Jude; Let's hope this year is better for both of us! :¬)


  5. shug; Sunshine, I remember that!
    That bright thing in the sky
    It came one Tuesday, June, last year
    And quickly said "Goodbye"!

    Tenerife or Lanzarote, I'm not fussy.
    When do we leave? :¬)

  6. My Mothers cousin was like Tricia---she used to scare me when I was small but she was so gentle---she was loud and had her own language---when her parents died, I was her only visitor---she knew me and we could laugh together----the amazing thing abot her was she could play the piano---couldn't read music but could follow tunes from the radio.

    Far too many funerals this past year---I got home from one yesterday to a message that a work mate had topped himself overnight.

    No wonder we drink

  7. That was a fantastic post. And I'm sorry for your losses but am happy that you are not in the pic. Get well soon.

  8. I am sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

    Oh. and feel better soon.


  9. Clyde; Like WE need an excuse to drink!

    (Hows that hand?)

    UB; Thank you pal.
    I am also glad I am not in the pic! :¬)

    IB; Thank you.
    And I'm starting to feel better already. :¬)

  10. I really hate funerals also. But then they are for the living, not the dead. Somewhere in my old age I picked up a really bad attitude toward the average mourner.

    When I was a kid, they were a highlight of extended family life.

  11. @eloh; I don't mind wakes though. In fact I quite like a good wake. Some of the best parties I remember from childhood have been wakes.

    But I have gone right off funerals! :¬)


  12. Mourning Tricia in your own way ... I think you already are, Map, with that last paragraph and your memory of the two of you smiling. My condolences, and both of you continue to smile.

  13. I'm sorry for your loss. That you're ill too just isn't fair. I know, adults are suppose to realize that life isn't fair. I guess the kid in me still stamps her foot occasionally and declares, "Not fair!" :)

    Yes, mourn in your own way. To this day I don't look at the dead at funerals. It started when my Granddaddy died when I was 14. I refused to look at him in the coffin. I knew my overactive and vivid imagination would hold onto that mental image for life. When Grandma insisted I "pay my respects properly" I talked back. I wasn't the kind of kid who did that. My reply was, "That's not my Granddaddy! Granddaddy took me fishing and gave me hugs. I don't want my last memory to be of him in a box."

    That feels like yesterday. Never had looked. So mourn your own way my friend and GET WELL FAST!

  14. hope; I'm feeling much better today, it's amazing what a good Australian Sauvignon-Shiraz can do in the healing dept.!

    I hadn't seen Tricia in many years so most of my memories of her are from childhood.
    And all good ones.


  15. ((hugs)) Map... I so understand where you are at right now. The best thing you can do for you and for her is to cherish the memories you have of her, and of the time you spent together. I'm glad you had an excuse to not go the yet another funeral.

    We had a kind of wake for my mum, although there was no alcohol involved. (That's what happens when most of the family is Mennonite... = non-drinkers) but there was music and singing and laughter and story telling, along with the tears and the rememberings. It was good. So have your own little wake for Tricia... she'll understand. :-)

  16. Pon; Thanks hon!

    And I'm feelin' grand today. Had lots of 'medicine'! 'hic' :¬)


  17. I think you've done admirably, map. I thoroughly enjoyed the image of you and Tricia playing ball in the sunshine. Makes my heart hurt in a happy sort of way.


  18. y'all have my heart, sugar. xoxoxoxoxo

  19. Pearl; Thank you! It's strange how some things are embedded in one's memory, clear as day, while other things cannot, or will not come to the fore! :¬)


    Sav; I know I do! :¬)


  20. Sorry M.
    Yeah, there seems to be so many more funerals as you get older, and in reality we know there's not- its that we pay little attention to death when we are young being so far from it, and obviously more being so near when we're older.
    The truth is: we are all from one moment to the next close to death at any time in our lives.
    Just thought I'd come by and cheer you/everybody up.

  21. Momo; You do make me smile!!

    And yes, what you say is true.

    Thank you. :¬)

  22. I missed my mother's and my brother's funeral. They died within ten days of each other hundreds of miles apart there was snow and I had just fractured my leg.

  23. Pat; Welcome, and thanks for visiting.

    That must have been very tough on you. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you.


  24. Sometimes it feels like someone must be making a fortune in black ties these days...

  25. I'm sorry to hear about another death in the family. I agree, bring on the good stuff!

  26. Kim; When Da died, the only possessions of his I wanted, and got, was his tie collection! He was always a snappy dresser, and I suppose I've got some of that in me! I continue to seek out ties, both classic and unusual. (Though I have no time for gimmicky or 'seasonal' crap!)

    I have a wide selection, (into the hundreds now!) including many 'funereal' pieces, from skinny to kipper and 'big knotted soccor star' types! (The latter have never been worn!)

    I gave a very expensive red silk tie on loan to a nephew last summer, upon which his date did puke! His mother put it in with the daily wash! AND gave the ruined article back to me, with the claim that it might be unwearable, but it was clean!

    I loved your positive and inspiring latest post! :¬)

    AJ; Thanks hon! The good stuff starts today!


  27. The hand is annoying me----drinking right handed with the splint off tonight---I'll sleep with it on but golf with the young nephew of the love of my life in the morning---no splint, and grin

  28. Clyde; 'love of my life' ?
    Things are lookin'up eh?

    I like it!

    Drinking with my left hand never bothered me! :¬)

  29. Back in the days when I was a businessman I used to wear ties a lot, but then stopped one day after I heard someone say, "why is it we go to work with a noose around our necks?"

    It was one of those times when a simple sentence just climbs into your brain and body slams you to the floor until you submit.

    I've only every worn a tie to funerals since as a mark of respect for the others who attend.

  30. Kim; Obviously Da's ties mean a lot to me, but I just love ties anyway. I only usually get to wear them at my wedding gigs, and like yourself, at funerals. 'Special' ocassions.

    I like cufflinks too. Bought two pairs tonight! One pair have blue VW vans on the front, the other pair is a couple of trumpets!