Aye indeed, a series of unfortunate events is what I would put the blame on for my misery, my absence, my melancholy, my 'feeling sorry for myself', my being a downright pain in the hole!
Let it be noted that neither I, or anyone close to me, has died since we last spoke, so to speak. All events, though unfortunate, and in a series, and many, are now in the past. Done. Over. Forget it. Yesterday Already. Move the fuck on. Can't do fuckall 'bout that kid!
So, we move on, look ahead, smile at our audience, take a bow and retire to the 'Green Room'!
I shall soon again be taking up residence on my old familiar stool at the bar in The Drum & Monkey, where my best friend has idled his time away for the past few weeks chewing his nails and scratching his nether regions. He sure does miss his wee side-kick! (NO! I've never scratched his nether regions! Behave!)
To be honest, if it wasn't for the big fella I don't think I'd have coped. Thanks JB, I'd be lost without ya.
Back to normalityness soon yeah!
My understanding is that he picked up the tab you ran out on. Now, THAT'S a friend worth keeping. Okay, then. If there's anything I can do for you, etc., etc.
ReplyDeleteUB; Yer grand pal, as we say here. Thanks for worrying, no need though, the bigfella got me covered, as always.
ReplyDeleteWe'll all three buy each other a pint one day. :¬)
Do you think he'll pick up my tab as well?
ReplyDeleteSx
If it wasnae for the sat nav on your push bike you would be lost just crossing the road. Pint?
ReplyDeleteScarlet, you know I would hen, but then I would want lady-favours from you for at least a week.
ReplyDeleteSome days (and occasionally weeks) are like that...that feeling of can't win for losing. There was a horrible t.v. show during my childhood that Dad enjoyed and we kids hated, "Hee Haw". The only thing I ever took away from it was a silly little song:
ReplyDeleteDoom, despair and agony on me.
Deep dark depression
Excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck
I'd have no luck at all.
Doom, despair and agony on me.
The funny thing is Hubby knew it too so anytime something goes wrong, one of us will burst into the worst hillybilly version possible of that song...and the other one cracks up.
Here, I'll by the next round just so I can hear you sing again. ;)
Ah now, the little singing fella so... In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti my son, may you go in peace and forget your woes, your worries and the fact that lately you have a face about you that resembles a bulldog licking pish fae a thistle. I have been asked by the other big ugly power in this world if I will say a few words in your favour to the man upstairs.
ReplyDeleteConsider it done, go about your business and for the love of Jaysus enjoy the craic before the Glesca wan puts his veritable foot in your hole.
Bless you...
you was lost, but now is found! welcome back, bubba! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteWell it's good to have you back on the old familiar barstool... and as long as you still have all your fingers and toes and kiddos the worm will turn as they say... listening to Leonard this early makes me want to add something to this here coffee...
ReplyDeleteScarlet; Why is it that when you say 'Will he pick up my tab?' it sounds like a euphemism? But yes, I'm sure he will. :¬)
ReplyDeletexxx
Chef; Do ya have to ask?
ReplyDeletehope; Aw ta friend, two pints and a couple of small ones please. :¬)
ReplyDeletexxx
Pope Frankie; To be honest I'd prefer a kick in the hole from the Glesca wan than any intervention from your invisible friend. Ta but no ta. :¬)
ReplyDeletesav; Was blind...drunk! :¬)
ReplyDeletexoxoxox
Kono; Still have all toes,fingers & kiddos. Did lose a tooth though. Happily back on my barstool with me pal. :¬)
ReplyDeleteIn regard to Scarlet, what makes you think I haven't already?
ReplyDeleteIn regard to the pint, let's go the noo son, I have a terrible thirst about me the night.
Chef; Scarlet? I wouldn't put it past ya!
ReplyDeletePint? Mon then, it's thirsty work being fabulous!
I'm away early Friday, so let's make this wee session elongated by way of a good story and a dusty oul bottle of something strong. Do you remember the time the big boys threw you down the well.....
ReplyDeleteChef; I'll not forget that easily enough, that well musta been at least 6 feet deep, I thought I'd never get out. Smelled of pish & the queen too! Ta pal.
ReplyDeleteNow, a dusty bottle from the top shelf ya say, right then, up on me shoulders with ya!
Right son, that's me away to my bed. I have an early flight and a bit of an oul drive the other end. Take care now, remember, clean under crackers on yourself twice a week, tuck in your vest when you come out of the lavvie, the left shoe goes on the left foot, the right shoe on the right foot. Don't forget, when you look at the glass window thingy in your hallway tis not not a short alien looking at yis, tis your reflection... the glass wotsit is a m.i.r.r.o.r!
ReplyDeleteI've left clean straw in the barn for yis to bed down on when the missus kicks you out and you have no where else to kip. Try not to set fire to the hayloft like the last time, and for the ove of the little pope fella, keep your sticky fecking fingies off the gold bottles that are hidden somewhere in the alpaca enclosure.
If I can find a tee shirt with 'shorty, shorty dungboy' on the front I'll treat yis to it. Look after my kids, and also my other girls (the wans who call you da - have you never twigged that they look a lot like me?)
If it's any consolation I will miss you and I will think of you every time I am laying by the pool drinking a short one. This, however, does not mean that we will be swapping spit any time soon just because I paid you a wee compliment. Seriously though, take care son. Back in a couple of weeks.
Chef: Enjoy the heat my friend, and the beautiful company. I'll keep an eye (the good wan) on all this side. I'll look forward to the t-shirt and the duty-free. And yes, you'll be missed.
ReplyDelete